Be All My Sins Remembered
by darkmoonvampire
Summary: Zevran travels to Skyhold and tells his story of Seraphia Surana to the Inquisitor. Believing that his Warden has somehow returned after dying from slaying the Archdemon. Events unfold that force him to join the Inquisition and find out what happened all those years ago.
1. The Unyielding Truth

Chapter 1: The Unyielding Truth

Legs pumping as fast as his strained and exhausted muscles would allow, air burning his lungs as he desperately breathed in and out ragged breaths. He was trying in vain to catch up to the one person who could answer all his questions. The one person who had snatched his love away from him and had the power to deliver him back to her side. His brows creased in determination and he felt himself push that little bit harder, almost on the verge of collapse. But he wouldn't give up, he had waited too long to catch the woman and he wasn't going anywhere until she gave him what he desired above anything else in all of Thedas.

"Morrigan!" He roared her name out in the cavern and it echoed violently, threatening to shake the very rocks surrounding them.

She was facing the Mirror, an Eluvian and stopped in her tracks and very slowly turned round to face him. Her expression glowered with anger momentarily before becoming weary when she realised that she could no longer ignore the man. Despite everything he had done in his past, being an assassin sent to kill them; he had fallen in love with their fearless leader and followed her to the end of the world.

Oh perhaps she should have said until the end of the Warden.

"What did you do to her Witch?!" His voice uncontrolled with pure anger and hated and a tinge of desperation.

"I cannot tell you that Zevran." She merely replied coldly. It wasn't that she didn't want to cause any pain to Zevran, she had come to respect him in her own way though she never fully approved of him. Still he had meant something to the woman Warden who had become a sister to her. So in a weird sort of way they were family. Oh Maker she was beginning to sound like Alistair.

"Liar! I saw you with her body! You took her from that blasted rooftop!" Zevran drew his hands to his belt and took his twin daggers out of their sheaths. Morrigan may have been an ally once but now she was his only enemy as far he was concerned. She had left them on the eve before they marched to Denerim and in his mind she sealed the fate of his beloved.

Morrigan closed her strange golden amber eyes and sighed heavily. She would have to console the fool somewhat. She couldn't risk him following her, because he would undoubtedly ruin everything. Though she wasn't sure if it was necessarily the right thing to do but it was the needed thing to be done and that was it. She swallowed and took a deep breath before opening her eyes and staring Zevran right into his dark brown ones. She knew that he would be able to tell if she lied to him, his years of training and experience in studying people and their habits had no doubt stayed with him. So she settled on telling him parts of the truth, for it was all the mercy that she could possibly give the tortured man.

Oh and he was definitely a tortured and lost man. When he had first attacked their merry band of misfits, he had been confident, charming and unbreakable. The way he moved was proud and unafraid of any dangers that could pose to him. He seemed to glow a little resembling the sunny landscape of Antiva as he trekked through the dank and muddy overgrowth that was Fereldan. Now though he broken, his spark gone and his glowing charm all but dissipated.

"She is alive, Zevran." She spoke slowly and clearly allowing time for the words to sink in. When he stopped his cautious steps towards her she knew she had his attention. His eyes flashed with shock and disbelief and she could see that he was going to protest again so she continued.

"T'is true that when she sunk that fool of a king's sword into the Archdemon's head it took both their lives. However we both know that she was _chosen_ to slay that tainted Old God, it was the end of her and the beginning of something else."

Zevran couldn't believe the words that came out of the Witches mouth. His beloved was alive, but he had seen her die, crying out in anguish and triumph as she brought about the end of the Fifth Blight. Suddenly he's transported back as his mind replies the horrifying memory forever engraved on his shattered soul.

_He's on the floor paralysed by her spell as she races past him. Her footfalls light and steady despite the flow of blood that escapes her ribcage. She slows momentarily to grab Alistair's swords off the ground from where the idiot dropped it. He watches in horror as he realises that all of them, including Wynne a fellow mage, cannot unbind themselves from the paralysis she has cast upon them. She turns to face him then, briefly as her piercing blue eyes raging like the electric storms she creates at her fingertips soften when she gazes, searching his soul._

_She's not saying a word but she's screaming goodbye and everything else that they never shared._

_Her long dark brown hair falls in front of her face and the moment passes as she whips round and her hair follows like a curtain of certainty. The air around them has change and become thick and heavy with anticipation as if nature itself knows the importance of the events about to come to pass. Time slows for Zevran then when he struggles helplessly at the invisible ties that keep him out of harm's way. _

_He doesn't care what happens to him, he never has and now that life has given him a reason to live he can't watch that reason be taken away from him and simply do nothing. He'd rather die by her side than live one second without her but she won't allow him that small comfort. _

_She charges, gripping the sword uneasily in both hands lifting it with a strength he has never seen her possess and a numb emptiness explodes inside his body. She plunges the flawlessly sharp blade into the Archdemon's head and as an unholy bright white light bursts forth and up towards the heavens, the beast collapses and so does she._

_Her life gone and so is her spell. Zevran pushes with all his might to lift his bruised and broken body onto his knees, trying to gather the strength to reach her. His dignity, his pride, forgotten he starts to crawl. His eyes hurt and he's only vaguely away that tears must be falling down his face, it is the first time he's cried since before he joined the crows._

_He's barely moved when an impossibly large bird covers the sky and lands between him and his love. The bird shifts and the frame of Morrigan stands with her back towards him. Relief fills his entire being, for surely she has come to help bring her back to life. He doesn't care how she does it, whatever magic she uses, so long as this tragedy is averted. _

_However when she bends down and scoops the frightening real lifeless body up into her arm; Zevran knows with every fibre of his being that she isn't here bring her back, but to take her away from him. _

"_Morrigan don't!" He screams at her and hopelessly raised his left arm out as if that one simple act could close the short but eternal distance between them. _

_She turns wordlessly and the body in her arms sway ever so slightly and it's sickening. The Witches eyes are silently pleading for him to understand but he doesn't and he can't and he fears he never will. Then there is steel back in her eyes and he wonders if there's anything human about her. She shifts back into the bird form and soars high into the burning sky leaving large black feathers in her wake._

"She was dead." The words fall harshly from his own lips and he doesn't recognise his own voice anymore. There is no anger, no hated, not even desperation laced within it. He is hollow as saying the words aloud are another dent in the remnants of his heart.

Remarkably her voice is also broken and unseen tears want to break whatever composure she has left. "She was." She pauses trying to find the right words and when she finds none she says what comes to mind instead. "She still is, in a way. She died that day and was reborn with the soul of an Old God. I don't know how or even _why. _All I know for certain is that she simply is."

Her words don't make any sense and only confuse him more than he already was. So he focuses on what he desires. His desire to see her again, no matter what she is overwhelming. "I have to see her." He sheathes his daggers and puts his hands up open in a peaceful gesture.

"You cannot. T'is too dangerous and you will only jeopardise everything." Her voice is firm again and she won't tolerate this pathetic whiney demand of his anymore than she already has. Had she not already done more than required? She had told him that the Warden is alive but he couldn't follow them for his own sake? She didn't understand why that wasn't enough!

"Give her back to me!" He's reaching for his daggers again and so Morrigan uses the only weapon she possesses to keep him at bay long enough for her to get through the Eluvian.

"You never say her name anymore, do you?" She says it ever so casually, her trade mark tone and she notices him go rigid and freeze.

"Don't" Burning anger like the blazing fires that engulfed Denerim not so long ago. His fingers curl around one dagger and he's determined to throw it.

"You claim to love her, do anything to have her by your side. Yet you can't even say her name. Are you ashamed of her?" She snarls at him and half turns back towards the Eluvian with her hand outstretched, ready to go where she is needed.

"Witch. One last chance." He throws his dagger with perfect aim and it flies like an eagle, about to embed itself in her shoulder when it's deflected by a shining purple light and it clatters to the ground.

He instantly recognises the familiar sensation of her magic and colours she could ignite whenever she discharged a protective spell to keep her friends safe on their travels. His eyes widen and his mouth hangs open in a gasp as he simply has no idea what to do. She is so tantalisingly close yet it may as well be the entirety of Thedas.

"Seraphia?" Her name finally graces his lips and it feels as though a burden has been lifted off his shoulders.

"Ah, I was beginning to think you'd forgotten it." Morrigan teases and connects her hand to the mirror and allows it take in her body and she leaves him with her parting words.

"You will see her again, just not today."

The Eluvian having served its purpose shatters into thousands of tiny shards making it impossible for him to follow suit. His legs give out and he slumps down to his knees, his hands digging into the earth beneath him. Why couldn't he see her again? Did she not want to see him again? Had everything they shared together meant nothing?

He couldn't help the painful treacherous thoughts from swirling round his head this way and that way. He slammed his fists down in frustration and defeat when he realised that despite everything Morrigan hadn't lied to him, which meant that he would see his beloved Warden again.

Years later when the world is literally tearing itself apart, he finds himself in front of someone called the Inquisitor. The one person who can probably save the world from ending itself, a person much like his beloved Seraphia used to be.

"I'm told you know about the famous Warden Seraphia Surana." The Inquisitor asks him and Zevran is perplexed as to why the hero of today wishes to know about the hero over ten years ago.

He smiles an easy smile that genuinely lights up his entire face and puts a spark in his eyes that hasn't been there since the day she died.

"I'll tell you a story Inquisitor, about a Warden who defeated the Fifth Blight before it truly began. Who united a divided country and slew an Old God despite walking through Oblivion. It all started when I was sent to kill her..."


	2. Once A Upon A Time

Chapter 2: Once Upon A Time

Leliana froze in her tracks when she saw just who exactly the Inquisitor was speaking with. His back was facing her but she recognised the blonde locks, the familiar Crow stature and his voice though older was still as smooth as silk. His accent gave him away and she couldn't help the smile that graced her face when he began telling their leader the story of how he met the Hero of Fereldan.

"It all started when I was sent to kill her..." He paused allowing the words to sink in and Leliana felt the pang of pain in her chest as she remembered her dear friend.

Zevran has never told his story to anyone; he's never wanted to because that would mean sharing Seraphia with other people when he wants to keep what little he does have to himself. Still as he looks at the Inquisitor, Herald of Andraste, he sees in her the same determination as his loved one. For the first time in a long time he feels hope, not of a better tomorrow. He believes that the Elven woman standing in front of him will lead him to the one he lost.

"You were sent to kill her? But I thought the two of you were friends?" The Inquisitor asked as she folded her arms across her chest in disbelief and a frown appeared on her beautiful face.

"Yes, well we certainly didn't start out that way." Zevran didn't correct the Inquisitor by stating that they were more than friends and Leliana found that remarkably strange.

Even though she knew the story, after all she was there. She couldn't resist the urge to lean against the stone pillar and eaves drop on them. She couldn't help but think if they wanted privacy then perhaps they shouldn't loiter around Skyhold garden.

"Sorry, please continue." The Inquisitor said and her fiery red hair blows gently in the wind and she gestures with her hands for him to tell his story. She has always been curious as to what happened all those years ago. Just how did a woman manage to lead the various people into battle with the Darkspawn and succeed? She needed to know everything she could and hopefully she could follow in the late Hero's footsteps.

It's been ten years since he first laid eyes on Seraphia Surana, but he remembers it as if it was yesterday. He's not sure what the history books tell of his beloved and her quest to save the world. He's not sure he really wants to know either, for surely all the facts would be over exaggerated or completely false.

"On the day I met Seraphia Surana, it was an obscenely bright sunny day..."

He and his men were laying in wait on the hill. They had set up the caravan site all sacked and broken, the perfect cover. He had heard the rumours that the Grey Wardens and their ramble crew had done everything they can to help everyone in Lothering. The two Wardens and a Witch had been spotted hunting spiders that threatened the villagers. Later they recruited a Lay sister who knew how to wield a sword with unusual deadly ease and a Qunari that had been locked in a cage.

He had the plan to lure them to help the refugees that did not exist and go down in a blaze of glory with the warriors of legend. When they walked unsuspecting into his trap he was not surprised by their skills or prowess. The five of them slaughtered his squad like they were nothing. He hadn't cared that he hired mercenaries; he had no intention of living past this day.

"You laid a trap to capture the Warden with the intention that she would kill you? That makes no sense and more importantly it didn't happen. Obviously because you're standing right in front of me." The Inquisitor interrupts and Leliana sees Zevran's shoulders slump ever so slightly from a sigh he's just released.

"There was a time when I wouldn't mind a beautiful woman such as yourself interrupting me. I would've offered a different service to pass the time." Leliana had to fight down the laugh that wanted to escape, she couldn't risk them noticing her. She knew that he took Seraphia's death hard, they all did but she had no idea that he had sworn himself off anyone else since then.

"However I am not the same man I once was for better or worse. So are you going to keep interrupting me?" He asked his voice still smooth never angry or even irritated. It as an asset that Leliana found herself admiring and by the look on the Inquisitor's face, she did too.

"Sorry it won't happen again." Her voice wavered, obviously not used to being reprimanded so politely.

"As I was saying..."

He caught the sight of the female Warden, he knew her name, and she was an Elf and a mage. She was utterly beautiful, tall, slender, long dark locks, a porcelain complexion and those blue mesmerising eyes that captivated him. She was young and he could tell she had recently gone through her harrowing because she didn't know that many wide range of spells.

But she was fierce as she cast a protective barrier around her companions, slamming her staff hard into the dirt, emanating a purple glow of energy. The Witch stood on her right casting huge ice shards the size of the Qunari's fists and slamming them into the archers. The human Warden was to her left, half defending them with his shield, half cutting down the mercenaries that dared to get close. The large Qunari was charging through the flanks, wielding a great sword in two hands while a red headed woman used her bow to keep the enemies from circling round.

Zevran had never been one to back down from a fight, even if he had planned to die as a result. So he called forth to the remaining men to rush the small band of would be heroes. He gripped his two daggers and leaped forward. Aiming for the young Elven mage. He was determined to at least go down fighting, to take some glory with him as he died.

Unfortunately as he neared her, with her eyes wide with defiance as she began to shout something to her fellow Warden. All he remembers is a large shield coming from his left and then the world goes dark.

He feels pain which is odd considering he's dead. Then low murmurs echo in the darkness and are slowly pulling him upwards. Next there is a blinding light and he sees that he isn't dead at all. Far from it, how unlucky of him.

His warm brown eyes flutter open and he finds himself propped up against a tree and his hands are bound together. Then he notices five pairs of legs surround him and he curses the Maker for sending him to people that won't kill him. As he looks up at them he sees that they are cautious of him, the two warriors and the Witch still have their weapons drawn. Perhaps he can still die.

The young mage kneels down in front of him; her eyes though wary appear caring. She offers him a placating smile, almost friendly.

"I have questions." She simply states in a gentle voice and doesn't say anything more.

"He won't answer us." The other Warden adds and narrows his eyes down on Zevran. Challenging him to do anything stupid.

"Ah an interrogation I see." He says more to himself than them but as he stares back into the blue eyes of the woman kneeling before him. He can't help but feel something akin to hope flicker dying flames in his heart.

"Obviously." The Qunari pipes in disapproval and exhales as though he is bored with the entire situation. Zevran can't tell if he's being sarcastic or serious so he just ignores him.

"My name is Zevran, Zev to my friends." He tries not to chuckle at their surprised faces as he talks so freely. "I am an assassin with the Antivan Crows or at least I was." He jokes dryly trying to diffuse the situation a bit.

"Antivan Crows?" The young mage asks him but it is the red head that answers her.

"A large assassin guild that runs out of Antiva, meant to be the best there is." The red headed woman looks at him with renewed approval and scepticism. She folds her arms across her chest trying to discern if he telling the truth.

"Correct the most skilled and the most expensive. But we're getting off topic." He quips gently back and now he knows that he doesn't want to die. Despite the events of the last couple of months, this has given him the kick he needs to want to keep breathing.

"Who hired you?" The most obvious question and frankly he's surprised it's taken them so long to as it.

"A man in the capital, Loghain was it?" He doesn't tend to remember names of clients, because they never see them after their initial meeting.

"Naturally." The Qunari speaks again and Zevran starts to wonder if he only has one line sentences. Such a shame because he finds the verbal language a marvellous thing though he's not sure he wants a long conversation with any Qunari.

"I know he wanted us dead but I didn't think he'd have the gall to hire assassins." The older Warden says as he unconsciously grips his sword tighter.

"Yes well I'm sure he has plenty of time to track us down when he's now ruling the country." The Witch remarks and starts to walk away from the group before continuing. "We have all we need so t'is time to kill him."

"As fun as that sounds I could be of use to you, no?" Zevran counters quickly and the words start running from his mouth before he can register what he's saying. "I failed to kill you so my life is now forfeit, the Crows will come after me as a matter of principle. However they will make another attempt on your life as well. So why don't you allow me to live and I'll serve you until you see otherwise and I can alert you as to when the Crows make said second attempt?"

He knew it was a long shot he had just tried to kill them all. Well sort of he was trying to get himself killed more than anything but they didn't know that. Still there was something about the way the young mage was assessing him. If he didn't know any better than he would say she was searching his soul or something. But he couldn't deny that he felt that she was important and that he genuinely wanted to help as best he could and not just because he wanted to stay alive.

"Alright, you can come with." She said finally after what felt like a lifetime of silence.

"What wait?" The other Warden protested and took a step back as she leaned in and cut the rope that bound his hands.

"A foolish decision, that I would sleep with one eye open from now on." The Witch offered but made no move to stop his release.

"A fine idea, let him prove himself." The red head agreed and smiled a little as if to say she understood the choices that led him here that day.

The rope slipped of his wrists and he slowly got to his feet, they hadn't healed him as he could feel the cuts and bruises all over his body but he was alive and he would be forever grateful.

"I hereby pledge myself to you until you deem my services no longer necessary. I am your man until the end."

When he had finished telling the story Zevran looked over his shoulder and locked eyes with Leliana. He smiled at her and waved his hand over for her to join them.

"You knew I was there the whole time." She stated as she noticed that the Inquisitor bounced her eyes between the two of them. She placed a hand on his shoulder and gave a light squeeze of reassurance. "So why didn't you invite me over sooner?"

"You should know by now Leliana that you don't need an invitation." He smiled even more and this time it reached his eyes.

As the Inquisitor watched the two of them chat about the past she couldn't help but notice the glow on Leliana's face that she had never seen before. They seemed so much happier about the events of ten years past but she could hear the underlying sorrow that tinted their voices. She left them without saying goodbye as they were too lost in conversation to notice.

She couldn't help but hope that Zevran stuck around for a while because she was desperate to find out what happened on their journey and it sounded like a good way to get to know her spy master better.

Leliana made sure the Inquisitor was well out of ear shot before she turned to face Zevran fully and cross her arms determinedly. "So not that I'm not happy to see you but why are you here exactly?"

His eyes lost their mirth and hardened and the smile fell away from his face.

A/N: Sorry it's been so long since I updated. This story will have events from all 3 games so there will be spoilers at some point. Anyway let me know what you think.


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